Petrol, groceries and fresh produce, tyres, hearing aids, prescription glasses… coffins – and of course, all the other nice-to-haves like branded televisions, outdoor furniture and branded discount clothes, underwear, shoes, Christmas decorations and even diamonds. What more could you want?!
Costco has opened its first NZ store in Auckland. The hype was ‘real’ and it has flagged it may open further stores in Christchurch and Wellington. There are murmurs there may be a new store announcement for 2023.
Customers camped out overnight for the big opening. Wait times of up to forty minutes just to get into the store were also noted. You can also only enter if you have bought a membership, which costs $60 a year.
So why are there such committed Costco fans? Well, because they literally sell EVERYTHING. You could never ever leave and live perfectly happy for the rest of your life.
For example: You’re a newborn so there are diapers, nurseries, baby formula, baby food, baby toys, and blankets.
You’re a hungry, growing human so there’s a food court with fast food, there’s also rotisserie chicken, pork, LOBSTER, crab, and more. Costco claim to be the largest retailer of prime beef and organic foods in the world.
Once you need to get a job you can buy a suit to look good for an interview. A laptop to get those zoom interviews going and a watch to make sure you’re not late. Just kidding – Costco will probably hire you and you can live AND work there.
We don’t want to take things too far, but you may even meet a fellow Costco resident and fall in love. Costco soul-mates. Perfectly timed with a diamond ring on sale at the Costco jewellery counter. Not to mention all your Costco wedding guests can buy Costco gifts for your Costco wedding.
A Costco honeymoon is certainly the plan. Simply grab one of their giant wine glasses, hop in one of their golf carts, roll out their astro-turf (or the red carpet, they sell both) and jump in a spa.
Then comes domestic bliss. Hubby grabs the power tools from isle 20 and isle 30 has plenty of lego for your new Costco little ones to play with.
It’s a Costco Christmas by grabbing a Christmas tree and a Santa suit while you’re at it. Then watch a movie or five, at the same time, on one of the gazillion TVs they sell.
Unfortunately, a tragedy will hit your Costco family. A sad, sad death.
Not to worry though! Just custom order your own Costco coffin. Easy, simple and ready to head to the big retail warehouse in the sky, having lived a fulfilled, exciting, experience-filled life, all without leaving the doors of Costco.